Home Run

Evening Folks.  Thornbury FM starts on the big 87.7 tomorrow!  We’re broadcasting from the 2nd of November.  And I’m on air!

Home Run is the Drivetime show every weekday 4-6pm.  And I’ll be presenting it this broadcast, which is very exciting for me, but you probably don’t have an opinion on it.  But it’s gunna be really good and I’ve been working hard at it, so if you could tune in that would be wonderful.

It’s on the radio box on 87.7 over our new extending broadcast range, and also all over the world at thornburyfm.org.

Hope to see you then me loves.

Photoblog – Day 2

I'm sure feet aren't supposed to look like that. Dad thinks it's fungal, so I feel about 50. Going to the theatre later.

Photoblog – Day 1

Spent half the morning looking for a Work Shadowing placement calling local radio stations but no one had any places. I even rang Kiss, and quickly felt as if I'd walked into the wrong neighbourhood. Was listening to Crash Test Dummies at the time, it felt wrong. Also did some work today.

The Apprentice Episode 1

Since the dawn of time, well the second series when I first started watching the Apprentice, I have longed for the boys team to win the first task.  Although I’m unlike a lot of the idiots who are on the boys team every year with their “Yeaaahs!” and “Come ons!” or my personal favourite from this episode “Stop fannying around!” as I usually go for a slightly effeminate “Ooo!”, I feel a certain amount of dedication for the boys team for we share the same set of genitalia.

But the first episode saw this victory for my fellow man, in none other than a cleaning task.  And to be fair, I wanted this outcome from the beginning because the simple fact was the boys were much better in this task.  They didn’t ‘fanny’ about and got down to business straight away.  However, they did have their fair share of tits though.

The only guy we had really heard about before the airing of this series was that nobhead who said “For me, making money is better than sex”.  Well, by the look of this little hotty, he’s had some.  The first shot clearly had him wearing braces, and came out with the sexually igniting business terminology of “Turnover is Vanity, Profit is Sanity” when talking to his lovely ladies.  Phwoar.

Some baldy who I didn’t do anything all task and then in the boardroom when asked about Howard, the project manner did a jazz hands 80’s move and then interlectually stated after being prompted to talk that he did “some bits good some bits bad”.  But I don’t think that annoyed me quite as much as some bloke who described a fantastic multimedia, high tech, expensive luxuary house as ”So Fung Shui…”.  Twat.

The tit of the show though was some northan chimp called Ben who grunted a bit, and came out with such statements as “Me Gran cood do betta”.  And while they were cleaning a car he came out with the chestnut of “Too meny cooks spoil the broth youknow”.  Perhaps if you’re making sushi Ben, but you’re washing a Mini Bus, a fine art which can only be successfully completed by four people.  But his greatest moment was when he looked at three beds in a row and in his charming northen tone stated his plans for the evening “Me, a girl each side”.  You charmer, get your clothes off, or alternativly shut yur face.

Okay, they were mostly tits, but what were you expecting?

I cringed regularly when watching the Girls though, especially running up to oncoming cars armed with a hose.  The door to door efforts of cleaning were pathetic, I get pissed off when a six year old comes to the door with a bucket and a spade, if an Apprentice contestant asked me I would bite one.  The patronising “You sit down, watch telly” to an old man made me want to punch whoever said it, and ultimatly the whole performance was summed up when one of them only had to say “Let’s hope the boys did shit”.

Out of the girls there was an American that I quite liked, and a grumpy lady with some glasses made me laugh.

Mona, the team manager wasn’t awful, it’s just that bless her she wasn’t the best speaker.  Once you turned her on in the boardroom she was like that high pitched noise people used to play on their phone which you eventually just zoned out from.  I’m sure she’s got legs, it just seems at the moment she has to talk shit to keep them running.

Anita, the slightly more miserable than the rest one, which is saying quite a lot, got fired which was probably the right decision to make; although she can speak very well and made a pritty decent stand in the boardroom.  But out of her, Mona and some other bitchy one who seemed to be half decent she was probably the one to go.

But the most intresting development from watching this episode was I discovered Howard the project manager has too much face.  It’s quite disconcerting.

My lovely BAFTA Predictions

Good Afternoon, and hello.  This is the classic period period where bloggers apologise for not updating their blog for a little while, and alas it has now come for me.  However, unlike those other nunces, I really mean it.

I was listening to Steve Wright the other day and someone was saying that the average blog lasts three months.  Well all of the blogs that I have tried to keep to before this (and trust me, there have been a few), have lasted much less than three months, so I’m not even at the average status.  How tragic.  However, although I haven’t updated this little page for a while, it is simply a delayed post rather than me giving up.  Thus, I am not average!

I was also going to start a new blog, so it would be like turning over a new leaf like you did in Primary School at the beginning of the half term if you’d been naughty.  However, this blog got a few clicks through some of the previous posts that I’d made, so I’m seeing myself as a film star at the building of the success of my last ‘hit’.  Although there were only three people visiting yesterday (and they probably took one look at it and decided it wasn’t for them), it is more reassuring than feeling like you’re typing to yourself.

Anyway, to the meat of my post.  Today, as you probably know is the BAFTAs.  The film one, as apposed to that other one on TV, and that other weird one with Trever McDonald that isn’t really the BAFTAs but done by ITV and you vote for the winners so it all turns out a bit rubbish.  And although I haven’t seen almost all of the films that are on the nominations list, I thought that I would give you my predictions all of which have been calculated using a trusted method, so please don’t complain.

BEST FILM

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – This is about a man whose at one point “Sev-n, but I look alot a’lder” played by Brad Pit with quite a lot of makeup on.  He gets younger and his girlfriend gets older, so they have a good time about midway and the rest is a bit tricky because it’s approaching pedophilia.  I always feel paedophilia adds a lot to a film, and PIXAR should consider it for Toy Story 3.  However it’s over 2 hours which is more than enough for any paedophile.

Frost/Nixon – This is about where that old man Frost met that president called Nixon.  Like most of these films, I haven’t seen it but I heard that Frost and Nixon had a jolly good chat, so they decided to make it into a film.  Lovely.

Milk – A film about a Gay politician in America, and some of the things that happened to him.  The poster has a picture of the man (Harvey Milk), and although it does seem like a good film, his nose on the poster seems surprisingly large.

The Reader – A nice light film (either comedy or children’s) about the Holocaust.  It’s the one that Kate Winslet won something the Globe for and then everyone laughed at her because she cried, and then thanked everyone under the sun and then forgot the name of that other woman who was also up for the award but didn’t win.  For some reason she wanted to thank her.  Fuck them Kate!  Do you really think they’d be thanking you if they won?

Slumdog Millionaire – In sticking with the fluffy subjects the other films in this category have gone with, Slumdog millionaire features the subject of poverty.  He wins millionaire but no one believes he could do it.  It incorporates a bit of a love story as well, but then so did Bride Wars, so don’t let you think that will make it automatically good.  I was unsure weather this would win, but then found out that it has a bollywood dance at the end, so definitely will win.

Believe it or not, I was going to do that for all of the categories, but there’s quite a lot, so I’ll just say that WALL-E better win something because that’s one of the only films I’d seen on the list, plus it’s really good.

So, when am I getting that Times gig reviewing films?

Poor Sergeant

He used to look so young...actually has he aged at all?

Well, actually the picture isn’t from that long ago, so the above caption is next to useless.  Sorry.

But, he has quit Strictly Come Dancing.  This may come as a surprise to you but I don’t actually watch Strictly Come Dancing.  As much as I love seeing slightly overweight celebritys in glitter, I’ve got my radio show when it’s on.  I actually quite liked the little I saw of John Sergeant dancing, I thought that he could dance very well, it was just unique in it’s own special way.  Oh well, bye bye John, he will really be missed by the perhaps slightly more mature audience that strictly enjoys.  Although I was well happy Strictly won that National Television Award, if for nothing else Simon Cowell’s face.

Manic day on the radio by the way, I did an hour show out of the blue because there was technical difficulties with the primary school show I was supposed to play in.  I literally got about a second’s notice, but luckily I came prepared!  So that was fun, as well as doing Bathtime radio, and of course James’s late night show tomorrow.

I’ve bought a farce which I’m going to read for my Drama final piece, I’m listening to a lot of radio to hone my radio skills as well, so you must listen to my show on Thornbury FM (thornburyfm.org) on Saturday.  We also got a complaint yesturday about an honest mistake made on my Dad’s show yesturday by a right nob.

Anyway, must dash as I’m watching a programme we recorded last night about mad people.

Michael Wackson Jackson

Looking healthy as ever...

He’s too Ill to fly to England to go to court.  Michael Jackson that is.  Although he may well spontaneously combust in the aircraft, I thought that he’s had so much sergery they must have took out the bits that are faulty while they were in there.

I saw a picture for the first time of him with a weird looking beard thing and it freaked me out.  I actually forgot that it is actually his real head and they haven’t super emposed it on.  It shouldn’t be possible for Michael Jackson to grow a beard, should it?

I really am sticking my head out here as I don’t know if anyone’s noticed.  Something looks strange about his face.  Oh well, it’s probably just me.

I had a singing lesson today.  Don’t laugh, it was my friend’s lesson and I tootled along as well in preperation for my singing audition tomorrow.  It was really helpful actually, taught me to breath in the right places and stuff.  There were also a lot of “Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh”s so I felt like a bit of a nob, but it was good fun.

I think we’re doing ‘Anything Goes’ for the school play, which sounds great.  I’ve bought the sound track and am listening to it constantly, which only proves I have no social life.

The singing audition tomorrow should be fine, but I’ll sure to be crapping myself beforehand.  Just remember to breath Matt, remember to breath.

Channel 4, ooo!

Probably the most desperate title I’ve done in a while.  Oh well, I try.

Anyway, Channel 4 have announced a load of lovely programmes they’re going to show.  Chris Moyles has a new show which’ll be great, Jamie Olivers back (oh horah), but so is Celebrity Big Brother!  Horay, I have something to do with my January next year!  As well as those stupid exams I’ve got, but hayho.

Also on Channel 4: Peter Kay’s got a follow up to his show with the long title which was really good.  I’d love to see Peter Kay do some more Stand Up though.

Onto ITV this Sunday though, I’m a Celebrity’s back.  (Can you tell I like Reality TV yet?)  There’s quite a few people who I haven’t heard of, and Esther Ranzon but I’ll be addicted after day one, you can be sure of that.  So much so, I’ve got a new feature on my Radio Show this week called ‘I’m a Celebrawho?’ after the slightly strange experience of my feature ’Celebrawho’ on the radio last week.

Talking of Radio, Bathtime radio yesturday which was great as ever although if you’re reading this boys I urge you don’t prepare anything next time because that’s when it’s at it’s best, as well as doing the Castle School show live as there was a problem with the prerecord, on Tuesday Dad’s show, Monday I was playing in the St. Mary’s show and tonight I’m on with James Hutchings.  Phew!  I’ve got tomorrow off though, and back on Saturday with my show.

I also did my audition for the school play today which went well, I stumbled over my lines a couple of times but I only had a day to prepare.  I’m looking forward to starting rehearsals, but it’ll be a lot of work.  I hear it’s going to be a musical this year.  La la laaaa!  Bet you can’t wait to hear me sing!

Bye-Bye Corkscrew, bye-bye nausia, hello feeling like you’re going to die

You'll be missed, although I never went on it...

Yes, the one and only corkscrew is closing down in Alton Towers.  I’d never ridden it, in fact I’ve never been to Alton Towers but I hear people liked it.  Now it’s going to be replaced by something even more sepectacular, a ‘world’s first’ even.  Bloody hell, count me out.  I’ve never really been one for riding roller coasters.  I went on ‘Rock and Roll Rollercoaster’ at Disneyland once and it was quite good…although my eyes were shut for the most part.  I’d probably get on with Roller Coasters if I could really be bothered, but really, paying money to que for an hour, waiting for something that feels like it’s going to be your death?  I’ll stay at home and watch Paul O Grady.  I know, lazy.

Sorry I haven’t blogged for a couple of days, I must stay in the habit.  It’s this Thornbury FM malarky.  Was on with James Hutchings 10-12pm on Thursday which was great fun, then again on Saturday for my show 7-8pm.  That went well as well, had a couple of lighthearted jabs at Thornbury FM managment (there were questions whether I was going to get a show this year), but I’m sure they’ll see the funny side.

School tomorrow, again.  I have no further comment.

In the studio again tomorrow playing in St. Mary’s school’s show for Thornbury FM (thornburyfm.org).  But, great news as they’ve only managed to do two 17 minute slots, so I get 17 minutes to do what I want with.  Apparently St. Mary’s have been very apologetic – don’t be!  I’d have the hour if they’d let me.  Perhaps I won’t play Celebrawho though (somehow I knew a game based on drawings wouldn’t work on radio, don’t ask why it was just a hunch) or ask for any fruity emails (don’t ask).

I’m currently looking for a Farce for drama, and not getting much luck.  I’d love to perform a Farce for our final piece, but most of them involve about 30 people or are so old we’d grow mould if we performed them.  “Alas, ye vicar with ye trousers down”.  Maybe not.

A Guinea Pig

Aww

Today Bloggers across the world will be making lengthy posts about Barack Obama being voted as president.  I’ve found a picture of a Guinea Pig that looks a little bit like a wotzit.  You’re welcome.

Honestly though, I’m very glad that Obama’s got in.  And that Palin women is in no authoritive position over America.  Let’s party!

I did ‘Bathtime Radio’ today on Thornbury FM.  Completly mental, but great fun.  I think I’m going on their show again next week (Wednesday 7-8pm GMT, thornburyfm.org) which is great.  Also on James Hutching’s show tomorrow 10-12pm GMT (late night) and my own show on Saturday 7-8pm GMT.  Bloody hell, just call me Mr. Thornbury FM, I swear I keep that place running.  Got to love it, well I enjoy it anyway.

Oh, and back to school tomorrow.  Horah.  I’d almost forgotten that school exists, and now I’ve remembered it’s a right pain.  I’ve got subjects tomorrow which includes work.  I do theatre studies, I’m not used to doing work.

There’s a programme on five TV tonight about the whole Jonathan Ross Russell Brand thing.  I think it’s actually a Documentry.  They’ve missed the initial hype about it, and haven’t left it long enough for people to become intrested again in my opinion because everyone’s a bit sick to death with this story now.  It’s on at 10pm if you’re intrested though.  Seeing as half decent Documentrys on BBC at a guess take more than a couple of weeks to make, this is going to be an intresting watch seeing as I don’t think many people know about it (it’s not on the listings), and I’m not sure if channel five are renouned for their quality documentries:

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Tagged: Barack Obama, five, Guinea Pig, Jonathan Ross, McCain, Obama, Russell Brand, Sarah Palin, Thornbury FM